


If You Say So

by Astronaut_Milky



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Party, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:50:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky
Summary: He leaned casually against the counter, giving Rafael a quick moment to appreciate his long form. “Just because it's the holidays, doesn't mean everything has to be sweet.”The much younger man smiled, and Rafael's knees went weak once again.“I don't know about that. There's something to be said for enjoying the sweet stuff.”ORFive times Sonny and Rafael weren't a couple on Christmas Eve, and one time they were





	If You Say So

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rafaelboba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafaelboba/gifts).



> Okay first of all, this is a gift to booyabarisi on Tumblr. Hopefully you like this!
> 
> Secondly, many thanks go to tobeconspicuous for giving me the 5+1 idea, and for beta-ing.
> 
> Lastly, enjoy the fluff but just note that I couldn't help but include at least a little light angst, oops

 

**Cafe**

 

Rafael didn't mind Christmas, although his co-workers considered him a classic Grinch. He didn't mind snow, he wasn’t opposed to receiving gifts, and he definitely didn't mind the excuse to drink alcohol and eat lots of food.

But there were downsides to the happiest time of the year.

It was as if every single person in Brooklyn felt it necessary to go to all of Rafael's local haunts, specifically his favourite coffee shops. The situation was hopeless, and he resigned himself to drinking the coffee he had in his office, up until he spotted Carmen with a steaming hot takeaway cup in hand. “Carmen, where did you get that?”

 

The cafe was underground. _Underground._ Brooklyn truly was becoming more and more hipster by the second. Still, he found that the cafe was quiet, the atmosphere surprisingly pleasing, and the coffee was to die for.

So he found himself going slightly out of his way each morning to taste the delicious black brew. Two weeks of caffeinated bliss, in a place where no one bothered him, bumped into him, or tried to ask him for directions. Two weeks of never having to make eye contact with strangers, which Rafael honestly considered his favourite part.

Then _he_ happened. On Christmas Eve of all days.

 

For the first time, Rafael encountered a line at his cafe. It was only one person in front of him, but already he felt annoyed at the situation. The man was taller, and he had the most atrocious accent, which Rafael only noticed because he seemed intent on finding out the baristas life story.

Rafael checked his watch.

Thirty seconds he had been waiting. That was thirty seconds further away from caffeine than he ever wanted to be. Rafael certainly wasn't afraid of confrontation, so he squared his shoulders and pointedly cleared his throat.

“Do you mind?”

The taller man turned around, and Rafael's knees went _weak._ Captivating blue eyes playfully eyed him up and down, and perfect pink lips were quirked into a smirk.

“Sorry 'bout that. What are you having?” The accent was still atrocious, but something about it being directed at him, made it almost hot.

“I, uh-” Rafael cringed. It normally took a lot for him to get flustered, but apparently right now all it took was a beautiful face and youthful confidence. “Just a black coffee, with a little bit of cream.”

“Coming right up.” He turned around and placed Rafael's order for him, and all Rafael could do was stay frozen with shock. “Good to see not everyone feels the need to order a mug full of sugar and call it coffee.”

He leaned casually against the counter, giving Rafael a quick moment to appreciate his long form. “Just because it's the holidays, doesn't mean everything has to be sweet.”

The much younger man smiled, and Rafael's knees went weak once again.

“I don't know about that. There's something to be said for enjoying the sweet stuff.” If Rafael wasn't already attracted before, the sight of the younger man once more raking his eyes over Rafael's body, before flashing him a wink and a grin, surely did the trick.

“If you say so,” was all he could offer in response, opting to focus on his phone to prevent the hot blush he felt creeping in.

A prickling feeling at the back of his neck told him he was still being watched, and sure enough when he looked up, those baby blues were still piercing him.

“Any plans for the holidays?”

Apparently Rafael wouldn't be getting out of this conversation any time soon.

“I'm in a cafe in Brooklyn on Christmas Eve, what do you think?”

Normally his snark had people cowering, but the other man just chuckled.

“My bad, I'll just assume next time. Although, you know what they say about assuming-”

“I've heard.”

The blond gave him a curious look, and for a moment they really took an opportunity to study each other. To gauge each other's body language, and possibly test the waters on further flirting.

“Sonny?” The baristas dull voice drew them from their trance. The man - Sonny - grabbed his takeaway coffee cup with a genuinely sweet smile at the barista.

“Sonny? That's seriously your name?”

“Aw come on, you can't tease a man about his name when he doesn't know yours.”

Rafael felt his stubborn streak kick into overdrive. “And you never will, _Sonny."_

For a moment, a near-primal look flashed across Sonny's face, but it disappeared before Rafael could truly appreciate it.

“Suit yourself. Well, Merry Christmas. Hope it's a sweet one,” he said with another wink and another smirk, and left the cafe, sipping his coffee as he did.

Rafael had half a mind to chase after the man and give him his number, but the logical part of his brain reminded him that chasing after beautiful twenty-somethings was a fool's game.

So he sipped his coffee when it came, relished the fact that Sonny had paid for it, and left with a confidence he didn't even realise he had.

  
  
**Rafael's Office**

 

Carmen had told him - no, _begged_ him - to go home before nine o'clock. It was bad enough she had stayed back to help him with paperwork on Christmas Eve, but Rafael knew that if he didn't finish his work tonight, he'd be working on Christmas Day. While he would consider himself a workaholic, he still wanted to at least have one day away from the office.

He took a sip of the bitter coffee that was absolutely freezing by this point, only to nearly spill it all over himself when a knock at the door scared him.

“Jesus- come in,” he half-shouted, ready to tear into whoever was coming through that door.

“Everything alright, Counselor?”

No matter how hard he tried to fight it, that damn accent had him swooning every time he heard it. However the past couple of years had given him a sense of confidence that was unparalleled, and he would not let Detective Sonny Carisi bring him down. Not even when the younger man set his heart racing at the mere presence of him.

“Fine, Detective. Is that for me?” he asked, gesturing to the folders in Sonny - Carisi's - pale hands, intentionally avoiding eye contact.

“Yep. Also gotcha this.” He lifted up a coffee cup, almost defensively, as if Rafael would kick him out of the room any minute. Instead, Rafael was overcome with a desire to keep the detective around just a little longer.

“Take a seat, Detective,” he said in lieu of a thank you, knowing that Carisi would understand the sentiment. He followed Rafael's order eagerly, handing over the warm coffee as he did.

Rafael had often wondered if Carisi remembered him. He had to admit he didn't recognise the younger man at first, given that his look had changed dramatically in the time since they had briefly met. Instead of the baby-faced, casually dressed young man he had been daydreaming about for years, he had been introduced to Detective Carisi, a moustache-growing, poorly dressed loud mouth.

The second he opened that mouth, however, Rafael recognised him.

He had spent a good five months trying to piece together how the detective had managed to sneak his way back into Rafael's life, while simultaneously trying to knock the younger man down a peg. The cool confidence he had when they first met, had manifested into near-arrogance, and Rafael was not about to indulge that.

“So anything in particular you wanted to talk to me about, Counselor?” The accent brought him from his inner thoughts, and he realised he'd been staring at the coffee cup in his hands for a good thirty seconds.

“How did you end up working on Christmas Eve?”

Carisi's eyes widened, surprised at the question.

“Well, uh- you know how it is, new guy draws the short straw every time.” Rafael nodded, understanding. “Could ask you the same question, Counselor.”

Rafael gestured to the paperwork in front of him. “You've got eyes, Carisi. Surely you can see how swamped I am.”

Carisi's eyes lit up, and Rafael had to fight the pounding of his heart at the sight of it.

“If you need a hand Counselor, my offer still stands. I help you, you can help me.”

Rafael smirked, thoroughly enjoying the blush of Sonny's cheeks as he devoured him with his eyes. He leaned forwards slightly, and let his voice drop low, building the tension as much as possible. “I'm not a professor, Carisi. I'm not here to teach you.”

The detective huffed out a laugh as Rafael leant back in his chair, pleased with how embarrassed Carisi seemed.

“Copy that, Counselor. Anything else?”

“Any plans for tomorrow?” He had been planning on letting Carisi go, but the question slipped out before he could stop himself.

“Gonna go visit the family on Staten Island. Christmas with the Carisi's, better known as, who can get drunk first and start an argument with the second cousins?” Carisi laughed, though the look in his eyes told Rafael that he'd rather be doing anything else. “What about you?”

“Lunch with my mother and Abuelita.” A short answer, though the pitying smile he got from Sonny told him that he _definitely_ understood how much he was dreading tomorrow.

“Well, I'll let you get back to work,” he said, pulling himself out of the chair. “You, uh- you might want to drink that before it gets cold.”

Rafael suddenly remembered the coffee in his hand. He tipped it towards Sonny, an acknowledgement, before taking a grateful sip.

Black, with a little bit of cream. A simple order, sure, but it meant something entirely different to them. He lifted his gaze to Sonny's knowing eyes.

“Did you think I'd forget your order?”

Before Rafael could even respond, Sonny left the room and closed the door gently.

On the coffee cup, he noticed, there was a scribbled word. One that made his heart leap to his throat.

_Rafael x_

  
  
**Sonny's Desk**

 

Rafael felt stupid. It was a stupid idea to have bought it, and it was a stupid idea to hand-deliver it, and it was _definitely_ stupid to have only thought of this last minute.

The elevator was moving painfully slow, only fuelling his anxiety. His only saving grace was that Olivia wouldn't be in the precinct until after Christmas, at which point she wouldn't have any clue who left the chocolates for her.

It was with this in mind that gave him the confidence to step through the elevator doors and stride through the precinct.

“Counselor?” In all his fussing over whether or not Olivia would be there, he had managed to forget about the rest of the squad. “What are you doing here so late?”

Rafael checked his watch, noticing that it was past ten o'clock.

“Could ask you the same question, Detective.” They both smiled a faint smile, recalling the previous Christmas Eve.

Neither had really taken the time to bring up their shared past. Rafael felt himself catering to his stubborn streak, telling himself that he would not be the first to bring it up. He was certain that Sonny also had somewhat of a stubborn personality, if his insistence on working beside Rafael was anything to go by, and he was sure the younger man had made himself a similar pact to not mention it.

So instead they skirted around each other, working well professionally, accidentally flirting regularly, and wholly stuck in some kind of personal limbo.

“Don't ask me how, but I'm still the new guy around here,” he chuckled slightly, although there appeared to be some kind of worry or concern in his eyes. As if he was still uncertain of his place in the squad.

“I'd say it's less to do with being the new guy, and more to do with being the young single guy.”

Carisi chuckled again, filled with much more life than before.

“Might have something to do with it.” He leaned back in his chair, stretching his long arms over his head, which Rafael definitely did not pay extra attention to. “What do you have there, Counselor?”

Rafael suddenly remembered the very expensive chocolates in his hands.

“I, uh-” He once again found himself damning Carisi's ability to make him stumble over his words. “Just a little something for the squad.” The lie slipped out before he could think about the ramifications, although it instantly gave him a sort of relief he didn't expect.

“Well, hand it over then.” Between Carisi's shit-eating grin, and Rafael's own stubbornness, the two men locked into a staring battle, waiting for the other man to break. It was only when Rafael remembered that the gift was for Olivia that he broke first, glancing to her office door. With a sigh, he handed the box over.

“Don't eat them all at once.” He made to leave, when that accent stopped him.

“Want some?”

He should have walked out then and there, but an unstoppable force within him, stepped him over to the desk and sat him in the spare chair. It definitely had nothing to do with the near puppy dog eyes that Carisi was giving him.

With a winning grin, Carisi proceeded to open the box roughly, clearly not realising just how much Rafael had spent on the gift.

He honestly found himself not caring.

“Anyone would think you were a child right now, Carisi.”

Box now open, Sonny picked up one of the delicious pieces and popped it cheekily in his mouth. “Nothing wrong with a little youthful energy over candy, Barba.”

“If you say so,” he muttered, taking his own piece of chocolate and placing it into his mouth. He knew it would be delicious, but it was surprisingly better than he expected. He let his eyes shut for a moment, enjoying the chocolate melting on his tongue. When it was nearly all melted, he swallowed and opened his eyes.

In that moment, he swore he had never seen anything so beautiful. Sonny's eyes, wide and blue and stunning, his mouth slightly open, and a tiny speck of chocolate in the corner of his lips.

“Something on my face, Carisi?”

He had expected a blushing averted gaze, or a teasing comment. He hadn't expected Sonny to lean forward, hand outstretched, and rest his thumb in the corner of Rafael's lips, rubbing slightly.

“Just a little chocolate,” he whispered.

He glanced to Sonny's own lips, and had an overwhelming desire to taste them.

Mint and chocolate.

Beautiful.

  
  
**A Sidewalk**

 

Rafael was pissed and lonely. His mother had decided a cruise was how she would spend her Christmas this year, and it only served to remind Rafael of his crippling loneliness. No family to pester him, his friends all had families of their own to spend the day with, no partner to cuddle up to. Nothing.

So on Christmas Eve, he found himself searching for a bar to wallow in self-pity, get a pleasant buzz, and crawl into bed feeling a little less pathetic. He was well aware that the act itself was pathetic, but no one had to know.

To top it all off, there was no chance of it snowing.

This wasn't Christmas this year.

This was just another evening.

Then as he had nearly given up hope on finding a quiet bar, with just the right ambience for the mood he was looking for, a familiar figure appeared in the distance. He wasn't sure at first, until a booming laugh sounded from the shadow, and he felt it in his bones.

What were the chances. Apparently high, as Sonny stepped into clear view, arm-in-arm with a beautiful brunette.

It seemed Sonny had a type.

He contemplated many options, not limited to turning around, crossing the road, or honestly walking into traffic. Anything to avoid seeing his ex, happy and content with his new partner.

Then those blue eyes found him, and there was no turning back.

“Barba,” his voice clipped, avoiding any affection. “Out for an evening walk?”

His childish attitude was only an excellent reminder as to why Rafael had ended things. Ten years provided a hell of a difference in maturity and goals.

“It appears so.”

They locked into one of their familiar staring matches, though this time there was no sweet, romantic tension, only bitterness.

It wasn't until the young woman cleared her throat and stretched her hand out, that either of them looked away.

“My name is Aria. You must be the famous Rafael Barba.” Her tone was pleasant enough, however there was an air of confusion.

“That I am.” He accepted the handshake, but made a point to pierce Sonny with his eyes, and enjoyed the way he flushed under his gaze. “You lovebirds enjoying a night out?”

Sonny glared and Aria beamed, wrapping an arm around one of Sonny's. “Yeah, I was hoping it would snow, but this is still absolutely lovely.” She pecked a kiss on Sonny's cheek, and Rafael had a surge of jealousy pump through his veins.

“Well, I'll leave you two be.”

He flashed a tight smile to Aria, and a knowing glance to Sonny, and stepped around them to head on his way.

There were so many reasons for them to end. The age difference, the divided life goals, the fact that Sonny seemed so ready for a commitment and that Rafael was so not ready for one, were all strong reasons to not be together.

But as Rafael walked away, and snow began to fall, he wondered if all those strong reasons were worth losing all that happiness.

“Dominick, it's finally snowing!” Her words rang in Rafael's ears all night, burning his heart with the knowledge that he was truly alone.

  
  
**Olivia's Apartment**

 

This wasn't the first time Olivia had dragged them all to her apartment for a squad celebration. After a particularly painful year of cases, she felt it fitting that they spent Christmas Eve together.

Which is how Rafael found himself standing awkwardly in her kitchen, hovering around the alcohol to give him strength. It wasn't that he didn't like spending time with the squad. Once he'd worked out how to deal with them all as individuals, it had become surprisingly easy.

But this was Christmas Eve, and he still felt the pang of loneliness and longing, that no amount of alcohol could soften.

Another thing alcohol couldn't switch off was his ability to read a room.

For example, he could definitely tell that Fin was preparing for a big night, having already shown up three beers in.

He could definitely tell that Olivia was looking forward to at least getting a little tipsy, the wine already giving her a pink blush on her cheeks.

There was something, however, he couldn't quite pinpoint. A sort of tension that seemed to engulf the room, yet no one seemed to be willing to mention. And the source happened to be the one person he knew he couldn't ask.

As the night wore on, Rafael spoke to everyone except Sonny. The younger man could barely meet his questioning eyes, and it was killing him.

He had a plan.

He was going to get Sonny alone, and tell him just how much he missed him. How much he longed for him. It had taken a whole year for him to accept what he had been denying for years. That, of all people, Sonny was the one person he wanted to come home to. To wake up to. To hold, and kiss, and bicker with, and _love._

He had resigned himself to the fact that it was now unrequited, and that he should get over it.

Then Olivia had made a passing comment about Sonny being dumped during a particularly tough case. And the tiniest crack of hope had seeped through Rafael's heart, flooding his body day by day, until he decided to throw caution into the wind and just tell Sonny. On Christmas Eve, a night so important to the both of them.

However, something was wrong, and he wasn't quite brave enough to ask Sonny exactly what the problem was. So he went with the next best option.

“Liv, is there something I should know?” he asked as Olivia topped up her wine glass.

“About what?”

He gestured around the room. “The elephant no one is talking about.”

Olivia sighed, taking the opportunity to indulge in a large gulp of wine. “Interpersonal issues in the squad.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Care to elaborate?”

“Well, I don't know the exact details, but apparently Carisi made a drunken move on Rollins, and she turned him down. Which, you know, I'm glad she did. But there's something going on, and neither are talking about it.”

Rafael barely heard the end of her explanation. A pounding heat rushed through his body, yet his veins felt like ice. He was too late.

Olivia mentioned something about getting Amanda another drink, and all Rafael could to was nod.

He should have said something months ago. He should never have let Sonny go. He should have kissed him years ago in that ridiculous cafe. He should _never_ have let Sonny go.

“Rafael? Everything alright?” Once a source of excitement and regret, that accent now made his stomach churn. He turned to Sonny, but avoided his gaze.

“As alright as it can be.”

He hoped for nonchalant, but he should have known Sonny would see through it.

“I know we've- there's been issues. But if you ever want to talk…” he trailed off, stepping away.

“So you and Rollins?” The question came out before he could stop himself, but he needed to know.

“You heard?”

Rafael scoffed. “I could tell something was going on. Just surprised it took you so long.” He let the bitterness flow through his voice, the scotch in his system giving him permission to be curt.

He expected Sonny to defend himself, or back away, or _something_. Instead, he took a tentative step closer.

“I wanted to do something reckless. Something to forget.”

Anyone watching on wouldn't pick the tension between them. For Rafael, however, it was stifling and thick.

“Forget what?” he murmured, praying for the answer that would mend the wounds he had inflicted.

“Forget you.” There it was. It cracked him open, leaving him exposed and loved and broken. “But I don't want to.”

Sonny was so vulnerable, so hopeful, that for a moment a brief flash of fear gripped his heart. He stamped it down, and promised not to let the fear of being loved hold him back anymore.

“Neither do I.”

  
**Forlini’s**

 

Rafael both resented and loved that Olivia insisted on Christmas Eve being a squad event. He resented it purely out of stubbornness on being told what to do, but it didn't stop him from showing up. Particularly as this Christmas Eve was different.

A warm hand linked with his own, and a shoulder to rest his head on, and a hearty laugh that made his body light up with love, all reminded him of how blessed he was.

“I still struggle to picture you two at home,” Amanda teased from across the table. “Isn't it just constant fighting?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Their in-sync answers had the squad in stitches.

“It was about time though guys, you've been giving each other heart eyes for years.”

At Olivia's words, Sonny blushed, and Rafael smirked, and once again the squad laughed.

Rafael squeezed the younger man's hand, letting their eyes find each other lovingly.

Years later, those perfect blue eyes still owned his heart.

“Something on my face, Sonny?” he muttered, away from listening ears.

He smiled sweetly, and playfully. A perfect Sonny Carisi smile. “Nope.”

Rafael smirked right back, love filling his entire body. “If you say so.”


End file.
